: Punch or the London Charivari October 21st 1893 by Various Burnand F C Francis Cowley Editor - English wit and humor Periodicals Punch

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Editor: Sir Francis Burnand

Punch, or the London Charivari

Volume 105, October 21st 1893

THE WAR IN SOUTH AMERICA.

I hope you will not believe all you hear. I am told that the messages are tampered with, but this I trust to get through the lines without difficulty. It is being carried by a professional brigand disguised as a monk.

First let me disabuse the minds of your readers about the blowing up of the hospital. It is quite true that the place was sent spinning into the air. But the patients were put to the minimum of inconvenience. They were removed from the wards without being called upon to quit their beds. They went somewhere after returning to the ground, but where I do not know. Some of the local doctors say that the change of air may have done them good. It is not impossible.

I am glad to be able to contradict the report that the Stock Exchange and the apple-stall at the corner were both bombarded. This is a deliberate falsehood. The Stock Exchange, it is true, was razed to the ground, but the apple-stall escaped uninjured. This is an example of the reckless fashion in which reports are circulated.

Then about the burning of the city. It is certainly true that the place was set alight in two hundred places at once. But the day was cold, and I think it was only done because the troops wanted to warm their hands. You must not believe all you hear, and it is unwise to impute motives before receiving explanations. The people here are warm-hearted and sympathetic, and the soldiers are the mildest-mannered persons imaginable.

And the report about the blowing-up of the bridges. Here again there has been gross exaggeration. The bed of the river, in spite of reports to the contrary, was left undisturbed. Only the stone-work was sent spinning, and yet some reporters insist that everything was blown into smithereens! Reporters really should be more careful.

And now I must conclude, as my brigand, disguised as a priest, is just off.

As a parting request, I would urge upon my stockbrokers to buy. We are sure to have a rise presently, and I predict this with the greater confidence as I know that the house in which I am writing is undermined.

MORAL.

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