Read Ebook: Punch or the London Charivari Volume 159 November 10 1920 by Various Seaman Owen Editor

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"To finish up," said Margery, "we grasp each other firmly, prance round, two bars...."

"That sounds a bit better," said John.

" ... then waltz four bars," continued Margery, "and that's all. Come on, now."

They came on....

"Good," said Margery as they finished up; "he's doing it splendidly, Cecilia."

John beamed complacently.

"I got through that last bit rather well," he said; "'pon my word, there's more in this dancing than I thought. I quite enjoyed that twinkling business."

"Have another one," I suggested.

"Don't mind if I do," said John. "May I have the pleasure?" with a courtly bow to Margery.

They re-commenced.

"That's right," said Margery; "now two forward."

"I must have a natural genius for dancing," said John, conversing easily; "I seem to ... Do we twinkle next?"

"Yes," said Margery.

"I seem to fall into it naturally."

"Look out!" shrieked Margery.

I don't know exactly what happened; I rather think John got his gears mixed up in the twinkling business. At any rate, one of his feet shot up in the air, he made a wild grab at nothing and tripped heavily backwards into the hearth. The piano was drowned in general uproar.

John arose with difficulty from the ashes and addressed himself haughtily to Cecilia.

"'You seemed to fall into it so naturally,'" I quoted in a shaky voice.

"Darling," sobbed Cecilia, "I am trying--please--if only you would take that piece of soot off your nose--" She dabbed her eyes and wept helplessly.

John rubbed his nose quickly and walked to the door.

"If you want my opinion of dancing," he said bitterly, "I think it's a low pagan habit."

"'Twinkle, twinkle, little star,'" sang Margery.

"Bah!" said John, and banged the door.

THE NEW UTOPIA.

There will be no more serfs and slaves; There will be no more feudal fools; The KING may stay, if he behaves, When Labour rules.

Workers, in Downing Street installed, Will never think of downing tools; Strikes clearly never will be called When Labour rules.

The hand of brotherhood that knits At present Tom and Dick with Jules Will be extended to good Fritz, When Labour rules.

The vile capitalistic crew Of human vampires, sharks and ghouls Will vanish in the boundless blue When Labour rules.

Our children will be standardized In psycho-analytic schools, And brains completely equalized When Labour rules.

O Paradise! O frabjous day! When 'neath the flag of flaming gules Labour shall hold unchallenged sway-- When THOMAS rules.

"Genf," like "Gen?ve," is the Swiss for "Geneva." It was selected, nearly two years ago, as the seat of the League of Nations. In a few days the League arrives; and I doubt if any person, firm, company, corporation or league, having provided itself with a seat, ever waited so long before it came and sat upon it.

To get to Geneva you provide yourself with a passport, a book of rail and steamer tickets, a ticket for a seat in the Pulman car, a ticket for a berth in the sleeping-car and a ticket for the registration of your luggage. In short, by the time you are in France you will have had pass through your hands one passport and eleven tickets; and the first thing you will do upon settling down into the French train is to compete and intrigue to get a twelfth ticket for your lunch. You will find that this useless ticket will follow you all the way to Geneva and will always assert itself when you are accosted by a ticket inspector. I even know a traveller who arrived eventually at the Swiss frontier with no other paper of identity or justification; for a passport which should have given his name, address, motive for travelling, shape of mouth, size of nose and any other peculiarities, he could only tender documentary evidence of his having eaten the nineteenth lunch of the first series of the day before.

Turning from the lake to the international delegates, who abound in Geneva, it is to be noted that the last lot here were the International Congress of Leagues of Women. Their main agendum was to pronounce their complete independence of men. One of these delegates went for a row on the lake and fell in. She was pulled out again by a man.

As to the other usual decorations of hotel bedroom walls, the notice will be removed which informs all concerned that the management will not be held responsible for valuables, unless these be deposited in the office safe, though this will not be intended to indicate that the new management has doubts as to the safety even of its own safe.

The "H?tel National," which is the hotel in question, was in process of complete reconstruction when the purchase took place. A bathroom has been annexed to every room. Presumably every international delegate will have a suite allotted to his nation. The question I ask myself is this, Will he put himself in the room and his secretaries in the bathroom, or himself in the bathroom and the secretaries in the room? And the answer I make to myself is as follows: The delegate will appoint the room to be his room and the bathroom to be his bathroom and will leave his secretaries to make the best of things out in the corridor. The suggestion you will probably make is that there are more suites of rooms than nations; that I must leave you to work out for yourself. The number of suites of rooms is ascertainable, but no one seems able to inform me how many nations there are. Personally every time I pick up a newspaper I seem to discover a new one. However that may be, the nations are now all formed into their League, and may the best one win the Cup Final, say I!

F. O. L.

Mr. Punch comes once more, hat in hand, to beg for help in a good cause. This time he asks the generous aid of his readers on behalf of the Victoria Home at Margate, of which Her Majesty the QUEEN is Patroness. This Home cares for invalid children, from very little ones of only a few months old, to boys of twelve years and girls of fifteen. There is room for between fifty and sixty of them and they stay, on an average, for the best part of a year, during which they receive careful medical attention, and have all their needs tended, body and mind. Many of them have lost a leg or an arm and nearly all have some bandaged limb, yet, with these disabilities, they contrive to learn the duties of a loyal Scout and are very proud of their uniform.

The cost of drugs, of surgical dressings and all house-keeping necessaries has risen enormously and the Home is compelled to plead for further help. Mr. Punch invites his readers to send for a report and see for themselves the very touching pictures which it gives, in an admirable set of photographs, of the life of these children in their happy surroundings.

All communications and gifts should be addressed to the Secretary of the Victoria Home for Invalid Children, at 75, Denison House, Vauxhall Bridge Road, S.W.

"The Unknown Warrior."

WESTMINSTER ABBEY, NOVEMBER 11TH, 1920.

Here lies a warrior, he alone Nameless among the named and known; None nobler, though by word and deed Nobly they served their country's need, And won their rest by right of worth Within this storied plot of earth. Great gifts to her they gave, but he-- He gave his life to keep her free.

O. S.

THE NEW JOURNALISM.

The method which is being used just now by some of Mr. Punch's contemporaries to draw attention to their circulations does not, it will be seen, tend to numerical nicety, though doubtless it has its advantages from the advertising point of view. The following items of news are intelligently anticipated.

It is estimated that, if three more distinguished statesmen and another woman of letters can be prevailed upon to write piquant reviews of Mrs. ASQUITH'S autobiography, the sale of the work will probably greatly exceed the numbers of copies of the latest Blue Book issued by H.M. Stationery Office. It is unthinkable.

It is confidently expected that, if the protests against a certain cinema plot can be sustained for a few days longer, as many people will go to see the show in the first week as there are feet in the film--without counting those who will sneak round for a free view of "The Stage Door of the Diadem Theatre." It is good business.

At that price they must have been very plain cooks.

Who shall decide, when Admirals disagree? Why, JULIAN CORBETT, or the great B.P.

Owing to the unexpectedly rapid passage through Committee of the Government of Ireland Bill last Friday, the way was cleared for a number of British measures. Although dealing with the most diverse subjects they were alike in one respect--without exception they incurred the hostility of Sir F. BANBURY. Whether it was a proposal to reduce the dangers of employing women in lead processes or to give married women in Scotland the same privileges as their English sisters , or to hold an Empire Exhibition, or to set up Juvenile Courts, the hon. baronet found reason for opposing them all.

The Government had no reason to complain of his activity, which may indeed have prevented the intrusion of more dangerous critics; for despite his efforts every Bill went through.

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