Read Ebook: The Beaux-Stratagem by Farquhar George

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THE BEAUX-STRATAGEM

Now, sir, you shall see!-- Your worship's health.-- Ha! delicious, delicious! fancy it burgundy, only fancy it, and 'tis worth ten shillings a quart.

Coming! coming!--Child, mind your business. A pretty fellow! I like his pride.-- Sir, pray, sir, you see, sir I have the credit to be entrusted with your master's fortune here, which sets me a degree above his footman; I hope, sir, you an't affronted?

But, I mean, does he go upwards or downwards?

I'm only a traveller, like himself, and would be glad of his company, that's all.

Well, Mr. Boniface, what's the news?

Corn, wine, and oil indeed!--But, I think, the wife has the greatest plenty of flesh and blood; she should be my choice.--Ay, ay, say you so!-- Madam--your ladyship's glove.

A trifling song you shall hear, Begun with a trifle and ended: All trifling people draw near, And I shall be nobly attended.

Were it not for trifles, a few, That lately have come into play; The men would want something to do, And the women want something to say.

What makes men trifle in dressing? Because the ladies Admire, by often possessing, That eminent trifle, a beau.

When the lover his moments has trifled, The trifle of trifles to gain: No sooner the virgin is rifled, But a trifle shall part 'em again.

What mortal man would be able At White's half an hour to sit? Or who could bear a tea-table, Without talking of trifles for wit?

The court is from trifles secure, Gold keys are no trifles, we see: White rods are no trifles, I 'm sure, Whatever their bearers may be.

But if you will go to the place, Where trifles abundantly breed, The levee will show you His Grace Makes promises trifles indeed.

A coach with six footmen behind, I count neither trifle nor sin: But, ye gods! how oft do we find A scandalous trifle within.

A flask of champagne, people think it A trifle, or something as bad: But if you 'll contrive how to drink it; You 'll find it no trifle, egad!

A parson's a trifle at sea, A widow's a trifle in sorrow: A peace is a trifle to-day, Who knows what may happen to-morrow!

A black coat a trifle may cloke, Or to hide it, the red may endeavour: But if once the army is broke, We shall have more trifles than ever.

The stage is a trifle, they say, The reason, pray carry along, Because at every new play, The house they with trifles so throng.

But with people's malice to trifle, And to set us all on a foot: The author of this is a trifle, And his song is a trifle to boot.

Do you hold!

And how d'ye find yourself now, sir?

What witchcraft now have these two imps of the devil been a-hatching here? 'There 's twenty louis-d'ors'; I heard that, and saw the purse.--But I must give room to my betters.

Pray, sir, how d'ye like that piece?

The devil take his impudence!-- Sure, if I gave him an opportunity, he durst not offer it?--I have a great mind to try.-- 'Sdeath, what am I doing?--And alone, too!--Sister! sister! Martin! Martin!

Foi, Fat naam is upon me? My naam is Foigard, joy.

You know this fellow?

Come, rogue, if you have a short prayer, say it.

'Sdeath! the rogues are at work with the other ladies--I 'm vexed I parted with the pistol; but I must fly to their assistance.--Will you stay here, madam, or venture yourself with me?

Here, madam, lend me your garter.

Madam, will you do me the favour to conduct me to a chamber.

Such goodness who could injure! I find myself unequal to the task of villain; she has gained my soul, and made it honest like her own.-- I cannot, cannot hurt her.-- Doctor, retire. -- Madam, behold your lover and your proselyte, and judge of my passion by my conversion!--I 'm all a lie, nor dare I give a fiction to your arms; I 'm all counterfeit, except my passion.

Your pardon, sir, we shan't want you now.-- Sir, you must excuse me--I 'll wait on you presently. Come, madam, I 'm to give you--

Madam, there's a country dance to the trifle that I sung to-day; your hand, and we'll lead it up.

Twould be hard to guess which of these parties is the better pleased, the couple joined, or the couple parted; the one rejoicing in hopes of an untasted happiness, and the other in their deliverance from an experienced misery. Both happy in their several states we find, Those parted by consent, and those conjoined. Consent, if mutual, saves the lawyer's fee. Consent is law enough to set you free.

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