Read Ebook: Through the Outlooking Glass by Strunsky Simeon

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Ebook has 239 lines and 9698 words, and 5 pages

Alice looked calmly at the Comic Editor and set to work arranging the fragments. But the task was quite beyond her. "I'm afraid you'll have to do it yourself," she said.

"It seems to be nothing but capital I's," said Alice. "The rest you can hardly read."

"That is the letter of the Constitution," said the Red Knight. "I have always been faithful to it, and always will be."

"But you can't make a Constitution out of a single letter," insisted Alice.

"Yes, you can," said the Red Knight, "provided the letter is big enough."

But Alice was firm. "I don't see how language can be made up of one letter. You need twenty-six at least."

"I don't think so," said the Red Knight, "and, besides, where am I to get the other letters from?"

"You might advertise," said the Comic Editor. "Help Wanted, Mail, you know."

All at once the Red Knight sat straight up, and his face grew bright. "Why, of course, we need more letters. There is e for 'me' and o for 'our' and u for 'us' and a for 'am' and y for 'my.' My dear Alice, that really was a bright idea of yours."

"Whatever is bright is Constitutional, you know," said the Comic Editor.

The Red Knight picked up the pieces of parchment. "With a little practice," he said, "you will be very good at taking a constitution apart and putting it together again. It helps to pass the time, and when you are tired of the game you can throw the mess out of the window."

"Interrupt it and constrew it, you know," said the Comic Editor.

"Oh, don't be a fool," said Alice, quite losing her temper. She looked so angry that the Comic Editor burst out crying. He was still sobbing when they came to the door of the Outlooking Glass office.

"If you promise to keep quite still," said the Poet Laureate. "I will read you my latest poem."

"I should be delighted," said Alice, whose manners never failed her.

The Poet Laureate cleared his throat and read:

The sun was shining in the sky, The time was 2 A. M. , And folks in bed were luncheoning Exclusively on jam.

"This doesn't seem to be quite clear," said Alice.

"Of course it isn't," said the Poet Laureate. "This is just to create the proper atmosphere." And he went on:

The Colonel and the Harvester Had found a shady spot. They sorted Issues by the piece, The dozen, and the lot. And most of them were highly spiced, And all were piping hot.

"For seven years," the Colonel said, "I walked the quarter deck, I smote the Trusts, and in their gore I waded to the neck." "I know it," sobbed the Harvester, And signed another check.

"I haven't overdone the pathos, have I?" said the Poet Laureate.

"Not at all," said Alice.

"Oh Pledges, come and walk with us," The valiant Colonel cried. "Your numbers clearly show my stand Upon race suicide. Your countless faces fill my breast With pardonable pride."

The elder Pledges shook their heads And whimpered as he spoke; The elder Pledges couldn't move Because their backs was broke, But all the younger fry obeyed And waited for the joke.

"I will now skip several stanzas because they are quite intelligible," said the Poet Laureate.

"It seems to me that you can read them all the better then," said Alice.

"But if they are already intelligible, what use is there in reading them?" said the Poet Laureate, impatiently, and he went on:

"The time has come," the Colonel said, "To speak of many things, Of Presidents of sealing wax, And hats inside of rings, And why I feel so boiling hot, And whether truth has wings."

"A brand new deal, Oh Pledges dear, Is what we chiefly need. A double-acting memory Is very good indeed; And if you're ready, Harvester, We can begin to feed."

"But not on us," the Pledges cried--

"Please," said Alice, "please won't you skip what happened next? I have never been able to think about it without crying. It's too cruel."

"Very well," said the Poet Laureate, "I am rather tender-hearted myself. I'll pass on to the last verse:

"When I went to school," said the Red Knight, "I was particularly good at Riddles, Reverence and Rithmetic."

"I'm surprised," said the Red Knight. "Reverence means doing honor to great men. For instance, when I look at myself and am reminded of Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Napoleon, Mark Twain, Admiral Peary, and Joan of Arc, that means reverence. But perhaps you'd rather have me ask you riddles?"

"I think I should," said Alice.

"Very well. What's the difference between a Southern postmaster in 1908 and a Southern postmaster in 1912?"

"I'm sure I don't know," said Alice. "What is it?"

"I give it up," said the Red Knight.

"What a queer way of asking riddles!" said Alice.

"Not at all," said the Red Knight. "What's the difference between taking a canal from Colombia and taking candy from a child?"

"I never did understand politics," said Alice. "What is it?"

"I give it up," said the Red Knight.

"Oh, pshaw," said Alice. "Please do be sensible."

"Well, why?"

"I give it up," said the Red Knight.

"But that's too absurd for anything," said Alice. "If you like to tease people, please find some one else to tease."

She walked away to one side, quite angry, and began to play with the daisies in her new spring hat. The Red Knight sat down on the river's edge and broke out crying. He wept so bitterly that Alice felt sorry for him. She came back to where he sat and said: "I'm awfully sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." But the Red Knight only went on weeping.

"Please, do stop crying," said Alice. "Take out your handkerchief and wipe your eyes; come now."

"I can't," said the Red Knight. "I had my handkerchief in my hat, and my hat is in the ring," and he sobbed as if his heart would break.

So Alice took out her own handkerchief and wiped his streaming eyes, but still he would not stop. Then, to quiet him, she said: "But you said you were good at arithmetic."

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