Read Ebook: Punch or the London Charivari Vol. 108 June 15th 1895 by Various Burnand F C Francis Cowley Editor

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VOL. 108. JUNE 15, 1895.

ROUNDABOUT READINGS.

There is, of course, to be an Eisteddfod in 1896; and it appears that the Llandudno Executive Committee have been making some revolutionary proposals with reference to it. They have resolved that they "respectfully desire that the Gorsedd will see its way to concur in the subject for the chair being in any metre, and not restricted to an awdl. The Committee are aware that the awdl has antiquity and custom in its favour, but, while calculated to develop skill in metrical composition, the local Committee feel that the necessity of composing in the form of an awdl is fettering to the conception and imagination." I cannot say what an awdl is, but I am dead against fetters, and, therefore, I say, down with the dastardly, fettering awdl.

Swift, strike off the fetters, wherever they're found, Let the song-loving Welshman go free and unbound. To the awdl too long has he bended his knee, But its fate has been sealed, and the Welshman is free; As free as his ocean, as free as his breezes, He shall write as he likes, in what metre he pleases; And he faces his Gorsedd, and vows he won't dawdle A manacled slave in the train of the awdl.

After this it seems somewhat bald and prosaic to read that

The Bishop of HEREFORD has requested the parishes in his diocese to send up petitions respecting the Armenian atrocities. One of these parishes is Walford-on-Wye, and I propose to confer immortality upon the reply sent by its Vicar to the Bishop.

"I regret" "having been unable to respond in the way you desired to your appeal respecting the persecution of Christians in Armenia. My not doing so was owing to the circumstance that at the present time a remonstrance from our nation can have no moral weight whatever. We have now in office a Government which is exercising all its ingenuity in plans for the persecution and plunder of Christians here, and so long as we tolerate the continuance of such a Government in office the Turk would be justified in telling us to reform this scandal before we presume to remonstrate with him."

In other words, the Vicar of Walford-on-Wye disapproves of the Welsh Church Disestablishment Bill, and refuses on that account to join in a protest against the torture and murder of his Armenian fellow-creatures. The logic of the Vicar is as convincing as his Christian sympathy is admirable. Let him be known henceforth as the Vicar of Reason Wye.

Close to Bristol, too, there is a place rejoicing in the name of Fishponds, where, at the Full Moon Hotel, the Loyal Pride of Fishponds Lodge of the Bristol Equalised District of the Order of Druids meets for its various celebrations. The members sometimes "perambulate the village, headed by the band of the Mangotsfield detachment of the Bristol Rifles."

THE ASCENT OF MAN.

What? Sprung frae an ape wi' a danglin' bit tailie? Evolved by a process o' naiteral law? What? Me, Sir? An Elder i' Kirk an' a Bailie? That boast o' the bluid o' the Yellow Macaw?

Ye'd gar be takin' me graunfeyther's Bible An' write doun "Gorilla" the sire o' us a'? Na, na! 'Tisna me that's the traitor tae libel The family tree o' the Yellow Macaw.

We gang straught awa' through the son o' ta PHAIRSHONS Tae NOAH an' ADAM, and back to the Fa', An' nane but respectable kirk-gangin' pairsons Hae place i' the tree o' the Yellow Macaw.

Baboons?--Leave the Sassenach, o'er his Manilla, Tae boast as he will o' his Puggie-Papa! But strike me teetotal if e'er a gorilla Shall sit i' the tree o' the Yellow Macaw!

LIGHT AND HEAT; OR, IN A CONCATENATION ACCORDINGLY.--Speaking of "the invisible parts of the solar spectrum," Dr. HUGGINS tells us the "ultra-red" has been traced to a distance nearly "ten times as long as the whole range of the visible or light-giving region of the spectrum." Nature, indeed, is "all of a piece." In politics, as in optics, the "Ultra-Red" lies beyond the "light-giving region," though, as Science says of its "gamut of invisible rays," they are perceived "by their heating effects." The S. D. F.'s and other wavers of the Red Flag, should study up-to-date optics.

"SIC ITUR AD ASTRA."--The Balloon Society has presented "W. G." with its gold medal. Therefore has he pardonable cause for inflation. It is to be hoped that this will not have the effect of making him hit "skyers." In spite of the a?ronaut medal, may we never see "e'er a naught" tacked on to W. G.'s name.

SUN AND SONG.

AT A YEOMANRY REVIEW.

MR. T. DOLLING BOLTON, M.P. for N.E. division of Derbyshire, has been explaining to his constituents at Eckington the reason for his voting against the Government on Mr. LLOYD-GEORGE'S amendment to the Welsh Church Bill. He was under no obligation to party leaders or party as a party. There was no subsidy by the party, no assistance given by party speakers, and he had to rely upon the electors alone. These elementary political principles endorsed by unanimous vote of continued confidence in esteemed member. Vote moved in eloquent speech by Mr. BODEN. No party assistance, no party voting, manly independence the thing for BODEN. Leaders say it ought to be a thing "verboten," and Mr. T. E. ELLIS filled with foreboding by latest revolt. BOLTON voting blue bad enough, but the enthusiastic approval of his constituency quite a bolt from the blue.

TO A LADY-JOURNALIST.

Then ladies of the Press bar compliments , So I'm impelled to write plain common sense, As near as may be, and on no pretence Aspire to high-flown ode or "lover's litany"!

OPERATIC NOTES.

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

THE BARON DE B.-W.

MEM. BY AN UNLUCKY AMATEUR DABBLER IN THE CITY.--To go in for "Specs" is short-sighted policy.

THE SHAHZADA ON THE THAMES.

"The Fair?"

"There is still hospitality," murmured TOBY, salaaming his very best.

"What can I do for you, your Royal Highness?" asked TOBY.

The SHAHZADA drew him yet further apart from the envious crowd, and whispered in his ear.

"Your Royal Highness," answered TOBY, "it shall be done. Command that the boat be stopped at Greenwich."

So the boat was stopped at Greenwich, and the SHAHZADA, with TOBY, debarked. Great cheering.

TOBY.

THE WARS OF THE ROSES.

HIS NEW TITLE.--Dr. GRACE, C.B. .

'ARRY AND THE BATTERSEA PARK LADY CYCLISTS.

World shifts it, old man, that's a moral! We'll soon 'ave some duchess, on wheels, A-cuttin' all records, and showing young ZIMMY a clean pair of 'eels. Hadvanced Women? Jimminy-Whizz! With the spars and the sails they now carry They'll race us all round, pooty soon, and romp in heasy winners! Yours, 'ARRY.

RATHER A HANDFUL!

What would MISS BRADDON do with a Baroness when she got her? Work her up into her next plot? Peeresses must be "cheap to-day," if they can be given away in this generous style.

A LAMENT.

A KIND INQUIRY.

DEAR MR. PUNCH,--A touching epitaph has lately come under my notice. It runs as follows:--

"HIC JACET ANONYMA.

She dwelt among the untrodden ways, Where yellow asters throve, A maid whom there were few to praise And fewer still to love.

Is it possible that our old friend, the New Woman, that quite "impossible she," has left us for "another place"? It seems almost too good to be true.

Yours unfeelingly,

A. MISONEOGYNIST.

P.S.--You will observe that she died a spinster, of uncertain age.

Scoring for DR. GRACE.--"A Running Commentary."

TOWN AND GOWN.

THE TUG OF WARRE.

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