Read Ebook: The Last Call: A Romance (Vol. 3 of 3) by Dowling Richard

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Ebook has 676 lines and 38734 words, and 14 pages

TO A PICTURE.

You pretty face, upon my wall, Enshrined in glass and oak and gold, Most charming deaf-mute--and withal My confidante--whate'er befall, My trust in you will rest untold, You pretty face!

What do they call you? Is it "Spring"? Or "Blossoms"? or "The Coming Race"?-- It matters not in any case, Your name may be just anything For all I care, you pretty face.

You bring me back old scenes anew, You've something of my lady's grace, Of her sweet features just a trace, And so I have re-christened you-- I won't say what--you pretty face!

BABY'S DIARY.

This is rather fun! Ever so much better than those crawling old mail-carts and perambulators. Wonder mother and nurse never thought of it before. A pneumatic tandem, too, I notice. Hope they understand blowing tire up again when it bursts.

Really, I never saw such steering! Mother has just run us into a brick wall. Disgraceful! Why wasn't she taught tricycling when she was young? Her education has certainly been horribly neglected.

Why should I sit in the middle, though? Can't see the country properly. Make another protest--louder, if possible. Passing pedestrian observes, "You should call your machine a crycycle, not a tricycle." Put out my tongue at him. Nurse offers to give me a "pick-a-back"; says she can pedal too! The old humbug! Scratch her face. Mother offers me a seat on front handle. Not half bad.

Fresh air makes one uncommonly hungry. Time for my bottle. Insist on my outriders stopping at a public for milk. Find the pony, trap, and sarcastic driver stopping there too. Latter says to Mother, "So you've brought the infant phenomenon with you, Ma'am!" Wonder what he means. He adds something about a "fog-horn." Rude, I fancy.

JOHN STANDS ALOOF.

AH SIN at the game Thought him chipper and spry; But he's "spoofed" all the same-- -- And his smile is less pensive and childlike Than when he once played with BILL NYE.

In the saffron pair's game I did not take a hand. Some conceived that the same JAP did not understand; But his grin somehow soon turned the tables On "the smile that was childlike and bland."

"JOHNNY thought himself strong At that game; but the facts Seem to prove he was wrong; And unwisely he acts In howling at getting in warfare What's frequent in warfare--that's whacks!

"Which is why I remark, And my purpose is plain, That looks that are dark At the JAPPY are vain. And, although you may think me peculiar, Aloof--for the time--I remain!"

PROPOSED CHANGE OF NAME.--If Sir WHITTAKER ELLIS agrees to the scheme for adding Bute House Estate--a Bute-iful property--to Richmond Park, thus preserving it from the builders, then will he be gratefully remembered as "WISEACRE ELLIS."

"BAR GOLD."--Fees to barristers.

REMARKABLE INSTANCE OF SAGACITY IN GROUSE.

THE MODERN BUYER:

GROWLS OF MODERN "MASTERS."

The "Old Masters" over, the New make a start. Another year's past and another year's come; And Fame blows a blast on her trumpet, and Art Beats her drum!

"Walk Up!!" An example is set by the Court; And Society hastens--a feverish throng; A mere glance at the pictures, for life is but short-- And Art's long!

Three artists looked on with a cynical smile-- One needy Outsider, and two rich R.A.'s .

"Now, to none do I yield in my love of VANDYCK-- I adore the Italians--bow down to the Dutch; VELASQUEZ I worship, and GOYA I like Very much.

"But alas! for the SHEEPSHANKS and VERNONS of old-- For the HILLS and the rest of a connoisseur race! Old MECAENAS has gone; and investors of gold Take his place."

"'Old Masters' they buy--any ancient design-- Eighteen-thirty or so is the latest they'll own; None but 'made reputations'--no work, howe'er fine, If unknown."

"Their Art's in their bankers'-books, not in their eyes To encourage the artist is none of their plan; They seek an investment that's likely to rise-- To a man.

"Do they think that fine art nowhere else can be seen But in saint that is squint-eyed, or boor that is drunk, In brown tree, Dutch canal, man with ruff, or the lean Spanish monk?"

"Just reflect to what artists of old had been brought Had their patrons informed them they meant to buy nought But antique!"

"No. They judge not by Art--they judge only by fame; And the artist may starve on his poor pallet-bed; But their hundreds and thousands they shower on his name When he's dead!--

A FRIEND AT A PINCH.

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

"It is quite true, dear boy," PRINCE ARTHUR said, when I gently hinted that the Leader of Opposition should have been present on such occasion, "that when our man was defeated I said, Mr. WILLIAM COURT GULLY having been elected by a majority of the House, is representative of the whole House. But it's a long name, you know, and in ordinary practice I must stop short at WILLIAM. You can't expect me to COURT GULLY."

Amid depressing circumstances as far as attendance went, new Speaker bore himself faultlessly. Quick-change process watched with breathless interest from Ladies' Gallery. First, Speaker-Elect, preceded by Mace, entered, attired in Court dress with close-fitting bob-wig. At summons of Black Rod, proceeded to House of Lords; placed at Bar in custody of Black Rod and Sergeant-at-Arms; not even "accommodated with a chair." There to receive HER MAJESTY'S sanction of choice of Speaker made by Commons. Happened that the QUEEN couldn't come. One of the cloaked and wigged figures on Woolsack mentioned the matter in charmingly casual way.

"It not being convenient for HER MAJESTY to be personally present at this time," said a voice which bewrayed the LORD CHANCELLOR, "a Commission has been issued under the Grand Seal empowering the Lords named therein to convey Royal Assent to Commons' selection of Speaker."

Amongst crowd of Commoners clustered behind SPEAKER there was scarcely a dry eye when this noble sentiment was uttered.

"Solong!" said the voice that was certainly the LORD CHANCELLOR'S. Taking this as hint to retire, SPEAKER withdrew from the Bar, and left the House "Without a stain on his character," as the Earl of CORK and ORRERY handsomely said. Returned to Commons in procession, with Mace lightly but firmly carried by Sergeant-at-Arms. Instead of taking Chair, marched round by passage to the rear, disappeared from view. Consternation in Strangers' Gallery.

"He's bolted!" one gentleman whispered to his neighbour. "Funked it when the music stopped and he came to the hosses."

After few moments of growing uneasiness, a fine figure, in full-bottomed wig, silken gown, beneath which silver-buckled shoes shimmered, emerged from behind SPEAKER'S Chair, and seated itself in it. "Order! Order!" said a full, pleasant voice; and WILLIAM COURT GULLY entered upon what promises to be a prosperous and distinguished career.

SARK tells me that, on going into Committee of Supply, he intends to move that henceforward the gallery over the Clock facing the Chair shall be called "The Speaker's Gullery." SARK always thinks of the right thing at the right time.

Opening debate on Charity Commission certainly a little heavy. Every Member who got his chance felt it incumbent on him to speak for at least half an hour. Some considerably exceeded this limit.

And so it was. Particular mountain at work when the mouse appeared was J. W. LOWTHER. Mouse entered from behind SPEAKER'S Chair; leisurely proceeded along passage between Front Opposition Bench and table at which J. W. was speaking disrespectfully of JESSE COLLINGS. Halted by PRINCE ARTHUR'S empty seat; nibbled fibre of matting in remonstrance at his absence; passed round fearlessly by J. W.'s heels; sat for moment in full view of House listening attentively to J. W.'s argument; yawned and sauntered back the way it came. Interest in debate evidently keener than that of average Member. As soon as ACLAND'S voice reverberated through almost empty Chamber, mouse observed strolling back along familiar way; took its seat on floor under shadow of Mace in defiance of all Parliamentary rule; followed ACLAND'S argument with evidently keen interest. Interrupted by approach of RICHARD TEMPLE. Quickly looking up and catching sight of his stately figure bowing to SPEAKER, mouse fled like the wind, in its terror making off by Treasury Bench, finally escaping by another exit.

"Cogitato, mus pusillus quam sit sapiens bestia, AEtatem qui uni cubili nunquam committit suam."

"Yes, yes," said WALTER LONG, left in charge of Front Opposition Bench, "but this won't prevent us on Monday, when SQUIRE OF MALWOOD proposes to take Tuesday and Friday mornings for public business, stubbornly resisting piratical incursion on the rights of private Members. Whatever we are, let us be logical."

THE BATTLE OF EASTBOURNE.

Natis in usum laetitiae rosis Pugnare Eastbourni est.

HORACE .

Umra Khan's Consigne.

Transcriber's Note:

Page 205: 'thorougfares' corrected to 'thoroughfares'

"The route, which ran chiefly through main thoroughfares,..."

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