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Ebook has 1923 lines and 47391 words, and 39 pages

Langauge: English

Publisher: United States, The Butterick Publishing Company,1926.

Credits: Roger Frank and Sue Clark

Two Fares East

by W. C. Tuttle

The ranch-house of Uncle Hozie Wheeler's Flying H outfit was ablaze with light. Two lanterns were suspended on the wide veranda which almost encircled the rambling old house; lanterns were hanging from the corral fence, where already many saddle-horses and buggy teams were tied. Lanterns hung within the big stable and there was a lantern suspended to the crosstree of the big estate.

It was a big night at the Flying H. One of the stalls in the stable was piled full of a miscellaneous collection of empty five-gallon cans, cow-bells, shotguns; in fact, every kind of a noise-maker common to the cattle country was ready for the final words of the minister. For this was to be the biggest shivaree ever pulled off on the Tumbling River range.

Inside the living-room was the assembled company, sitting stiffly around the room, more than conscious of the fact that they were all dressed up. Old gray-bearded cattlemen, munching away at their tobacco; old ladies, dressed in all the finery at their limited command; cowboys, uncomfortable in celluloid collars and store clothes; old Uncle Hozie, red of face, grinning at everybody and swearing under his breath at Aunt Emma, who had shamed him into wearing an old Prince Albert coat which had fitted him fifty pounds ago.

"Look like you was the groom, Hozie," chuckled one of the old cattlemen. "Gosh, yo're shore duded-up!"

"Glad I ain't," said Uncle Hozie quickly. "All them wimmin upstairs, blubberin' over the bride. Haw, haw, haw, haw! She'd ort to have on a swimmin' suit. Haw, haw, haw, haw!"

He winked one eye expressively and jerked his head toward the kitchen. His actions were full of meaning.

Curt Bellew got to his feet, stretched his six-foot frame, smoothed his beard and tramped down heavily on one foot.

"Settin' makes me stiff," he said apologetically. "Got t' move around a little."

He half limped toward the kitchen door.

"Does kinda cramp yuh, Curt," agreed old Buck West.

His wife reached for him, but too late. He didn't look toward her, but followed Curt Bellew.

One by one they complained of inaction and sauntered out.

"I never seen so many men cravin' exercise," declared Mrs. West. "Ordinarily Buck's a great setter."

The women grinned knowingly at each other. They all knew Uncle Hozie had opened the liquor. Aunt Emma came down the stairs, looking quickly around the room.

"Oh, they're all out in the kitchen, Emmy," said Mrs. Bellew. "Said they was gettin' cramped from settin' around."

"Oh, I s'pose Hozie couldn't wait any longer. He swore he'd get drunk. Said he had to get drunk in order to forget that coat he's got on. But he's been pretty temp'rance for the last year or so, and a little mite of liquor won't hurt him."

"I s'pose it's all right," said Mrs. West dubiously. "How is Peggy?"

"Standin' it right good," said Aunt Emma. "Never seen a prettier bride in my life. Laura Hatton dressed her, and that girl does show good taste, even if she is from the East."

"I never set no great store by Easterners," said Mrs. Bellew. "But Laura's nice. And she's pretty, too. She's sure put the Injun sign on 'Honey' Bee. That boy ain't worth the powder it would take t' blow him to Halifax. This may sound like an exaggeration, but it's as true as I'm settin' here; Honey Bee cut L.H. on the side of my organ."

"No!" exclaimed the chorus.

"He jist kinda jerked back and looked at his knife, like he didn't know. And then he says:

"'Mrs. Bellew, I begs yore pardon--I thought it was a tree.'"

"He thought it was a tree?" exclaimed Mrs. West.

"Uh-huh. Dreamin', I tell yuh. Thought he was out in the woods."

"Good thing yuh caught him," said Mrs. Selby, a little old lady. "He'd prob'ly put his own initials in it, too."

"Crazier 'n a bedbug!" declared Grandma Owens, whose ninety years allowed her to speak definitely.

"Love, Grandma," said Mrs. Bellew.

"Same thing, Annie. I've watched 'em for ninety year, and they ain't no difference--love and lunacy. Has the preacher come yet?"

"Not yet. Listen!"

From the kitchen came the sound of voices raised in song.

"Wa-a-a-ay do-o-o-on yon-n-n-n-der in the co-o-orn-field."

"Drunk!" said Grandma flatly.

"Drinking," corrected Aunt Emma. "Most of 'em can stand more than Hozie can, and he ain't drunk until he insists on soloin' 'Silver Threads Among the Gold'. Up to that time he can undress himself and hang up his shirt, but when he starts on 'Silver Threads' he can't even take off his own boots."

"I wish they'd quit before Reverend Lake comes," said Mrs. West. "He might not be in accord with such doings."

"Won't he?" Aunt Emma laughed softly. "Henry Lake may be pious, but he ain't Puritanical. If he hears 'em, he'll probably come in through the kitchen. Henry Lake has been givin' us the gospel for twenty-five years, and no man can do that in this country, if he goes too strong against liquor."

"Honey and Joe ought to be showin' up," said Mrs. Bellew.

"Oh, they'll be here in time," laughed Aunt Emma. "This is the first time Joe ever got married, and don't you ever think Honey Bee is goin' to be absent when there's a chance to stand up at a weddin' with Laura Hatton."

Jim Wheeler came in from the kitchen and halted just inside the room. He was a big, gnarled sort of man, with mild blue eyes and an unruly mop of gray hair. His new boots creaked painfully and he seemed ill at ease in his new black suit and rumpled tie. Jim and Uncle Hozie were brothers, and Jim was the father of the bride-to-be.

"Preacher ain't here yet?" asked Jim, drawing out a huge silver watch. "It's almost eight o'clock."

"Oh, he'll be here," assured Aunt Emma. "Peggy looks beautiful, Jim."

"Uh-huh." The big man seemed a trifle sad.

"You don't seem to mind losin' yore daughter, Jim," said Mrs. West. "I remember when Sally got married; Buck cried."

"Prob'ly drunk," said Jim unfeelingly.

"Well, I like that, Jim Wheeler!"

A vision in white came down the stairs and halted near the bottom. It was Laura Hatton, the Easterner, who had come to Pinnacle City to attend the wedding of her old school chum. Laura was a tiny little blonde with big blue eyes and a laughing mouth which dismayed every cowboy in the Tumbling River country--except Honey Bee, who had been christened James Edward Bee.

"Wouldn't you ladies like to come up and see the bride?" she asked. "She's just simply a dream. Why, if I looked as pretty in wedding clothes as Peggy does, I'd turn Mormon."

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