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Read Ebook: The Southern Literary Messenger Vol. II. No. 5 April 1836 by Various Poe Edgar Allan Editor
Font size: Background color: Text color: Add to tbrJar First Page Next PageEbook has 477 lines and 69575 words, and 10 pagesCOFFEE AND REPARTEE JOHN KENDRICK BANGS ILLUSTRATED NEW YORK AND LONDON HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS Harper's "Black and White" Series. Illustrated. 32mo, Cloth, 50 cents each. PUBLISHED BY HARPER & BROTHERS, NEW YORK. TO F. S. M. PAGE "Alarmed the cook" 5 "'What are the first symptoms of insanity?'" 13 "'I stuck to the pigs'" 23 The conspirators 25 "'Weren't your ears long enough?'" 33 "'The corks popped to some purpose last night'" 37 "'If you could spare so little as one flame'" 43 The school-master as a cooler 47 "'Reading the Sunday newspapers'" 51 Bobbo 55 Wooing the Muse 67 "'He gave up jokes'" 71 "'A little garden of my own, where I could raise an occasional can of tomatoes'" 75 "'A hind-quarter of lamb gambolling about its native heath'" 77 "'The gladsome click of the lawn-mower'" 80 "'You don't mean to say that you write for the papers?'" 85 "'We wooed the self-same maid'" 87 Curing insomnia 91 "Holding his plate up to the light" 97 "'I believe you'd blow out the gas in your bed-room'" 101 "'His fairy stories were told him in words of ten syllables'" 105 "'I thought my father a mean-spirited assassin'" 109 "'Mrs. S. brought him to the point of proposing'" 115 "'Hoorah!' cried the Idiot, grasping Mr. Pedagog by the hand" 119 The guests at Mrs. Smithers's high-class boarding-house for gentlemen had assembled as usual for breakfast, and in a few moments Mary, the dainty waitress, entered with the steaming coffee, the mush, and the rolls. The School-master, who, by-the-way, was suspected by Mrs. Smithers of having intentions, and who for that reason occupied the chair nearest the lady's heart, folded up the morning paper, and placing it under him so that no one else could get it, observed, quite genially for him, "It was very wet yesterday." "I didn't find it so," observed a young man seated half-way down the table, who was by common consent called the Idiot, because of his "views." "In fact, I was very dry. Curious thing, I'm always dry on rainy days. I am one of the kind of men who know that it is the part of wisdom to stay in when it rains, or to carry an umbrella when it is not possible to stay at home, or, having no home, like ourselves, to remain cooped up in stalls, or stalled up in coops, as you may prefer." "You carried an umbrella, then?" queried the landlady, ignoring the Idiot's shaft at the size of her "elegant and airy apartments" with an ease born of experience. "Yes, madame," returned the Idiot, quite unconscious of what was coming. "Whose?" queried the lady, a sarcastic smile playing about her lips. "That I cannot say, Mrs. Smithers," replied the Idiot, serenely, "but it is the one you usually carry." "Your insinuation, sir," said the School-master, coming to the landlady's rescue, "is an unworthy one. The umbrella in question is mine. It has been in my possession for five years." "Then," replied the Idiot, unabashed, "it is time you returned it. Don't you think men's morals are rather lax in this matter of umbrellas, Mr. Whitechoker?" he added, turning from the School-master, who began to show signs of irritation. "Very," said the Minister, running his finger about his neck to make the collar which had been sent home from the laundry by mistake set more easily--"very lax. At the last Conference I attended, some person, forgetting his high office as a minister in the Church, walked off with my umbrella without so much as a thank you; and it was embarrassing too, because the rain was coming down in bucketfuls." "What did you do?" asked the landlady, sympathetically. She liked Mr. Whitechoker's sermons, and, beyond this, he was a more profitable boarder than any of the others, remaining home to luncheon every day and having to pay extra therefor. "There was but one thing left for me to do. I took the bishop's umbrella," said Mr. Whitechoker, blushing slightly. "But you returned it, of course?" said the Idiot. "I intended to, but I left it on the train on my way back home the next day," replied the clergyman, visibly embarrassed by the Idiot's unexpected cross-examination. "Was there any reading-matter in the book?" queried the Idiot, blowing softly on a hot potato that was nicely balanced on the end of his fork. "And it was stolen by a highly honorable friend, I suppose?" queried the Idiot. "Yes, it was stolen--and my friend never knew by whom," said the Bibliomaniac. Add to tbrJar First Page Next Page |
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