Read Ebook: Twenty years a fakir by Weldon S James

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Ebook has 1038 lines and 61200 words, and 21 pages

He put his hand in his pocket as he spoke, and I guess he actually meant it.

I told him I was all right and that he needed to feel no concern. I had been opposed to the venture here from the start, and was not at all averse to a separation from my companions, as I was about tired of the show business, anyhow.

He admitted that he had made a very fair evening's work of it. The pens he sold at twenty-five cents a dozen cost him thirty-five a gross, and the boxes and penholders were not sufficiently expensive to make a very large hole in his profits. He thought perhaps he would remain in the place at least for another day. "The pen business," he said, "is only a side line, to work in the evenings, and I haven't covered the town yet in my canvass."

"Then you don't confine yourself to the sale of pens?" I asked. I had supposed the profits of the evening were sufficient to satisfy almost any man.

"Not by a jug full," he answered; "you've only got one life at your finger ends, and if you want them to stick fast to much of anything you've got to keep moving. And then, you're liable at any moment to strike a town that has been worked on some particular racket, and you've got to have another up your sleeve. I have half a dozen of them. If a place isn't ripe for one, another is sure to win."

"Good! You are just the man I have been wanting to see. Don't you need an apprentice? I have never done much open-air talking to a crowd, but I have always had an idea that I would be great at something of that kind."

My blunt proposition took him somewhat aback; but he saw that I was in earnest, and looked me over.

"My friend, you appear as though you might be cut out for a business man. I don't, as a rule, need any help, but if you have a little money, and think I can do you any good, I don't mind giving you a start. I can't do anything with you in this town, though. You have given them all an idea of what your line of business is, and for the present couldn't change the opinion. You couldn't give away a box of pens and throw in a dime. You'll have to wait till we get to the next place. Then you'll find out pretty quick what you are good for."

I was well enough satisfied with this, as the night before our haystack had been uncomfortable, and I had a feeling that I not only wanted a good night's rest, but that I had earned it, and the following day I rested, accordingly.

"Do you know anything about music?" my companion asked, as we prepared to leave the place.

I answered that I did; that I had some knowledge of notes, was particularly apt at catching up a tune by ear, and even had a smattering knowledge of the piano and violin.

"Good. All that won't hurt you just now. I have been working the cheap music racket by daylight, and it has not turned out so badly. I expect to do a bigger business in the next place, though, and I'll work it in a different way. My pens are all sold out, and I'll have no side lines to sell till I meet my next lot."

At that I asked him some questions about the music business, and he briefly explained.

In these degenerate days music, like everything else, has become cheap. In the times I am speaking of sheet music commanded a pretty stiff price at retail; and if we could only sell enough of it there was a chance for an enormous profit, even when sold away below regular rates, and there were chances to buy at wholesale "cheap" sheet music which cost but a song.

All this my companion, whose name was Carter, explained as we went along. There was really so little of a "fake" about what he proposed to do that I hardly believed he would have the success he seemed to anticipate.

Nevertheless, it all worked to a charm. The town selected was just large enough to have a number of amateur pianists and vocalists, and not sufficiently extensive for a store which kept sheet music in any great quantity.

There was a piano in the parlor of the hotel where we opened up, and almost the first act of Carter was to thump it vigorously, and after what looked to be quite an artistic fashion. He had me plaster the town with bills and posters which we found there in a bundle awaiting us, announcing the presence of Prof. Carter and an immense stock of the most popular and fashionable music, which, in consequence of business affairs calling him to the east, he would sell on the easiest terms. Music for which the stores usually charged from thirty-five cents to several dollars he would sell at from fifteen up to seventy-five cents. And he had a list of the very choicest selections, which would be sold even lower. The names of the most classical and popular pieces were given, and it was also announced that the Professor could be consulted on musical matters, and the choice of pieces for consecutive practice, during his short stay.

For the first few days the ladies came flocking in, and usually bought from three to six pieces. Sometimes we sold as high as ten selections to one lady.

I soon saw that "The Professor" had a fair knowledge of his business, although, no doubt, his musical acquirements were somewhat superficial. The advice he gave gratuitously was sometimes equal to a high-priced lesson, and I wondered why he did not make an effort to follow the profession after a legitimate and exclusive manner. But he would not have been a fakir had he done that; and I confess he was one of the best all-round men I ever saw.

While he had a fair stock of the popular, catchy songs of the day, I noticed the price of it was the nearest to that marked by the publishers; while his greatest efforts to sell were made along the lines of "classical gems," and easy selections, which he would rapidly arrange together as a graduated system of practice. These pieces cost him the least of any in the lot. He could generally gauge pretty accurately the musical acquirements of a lady, and once she entered into conversation with him he was pretty sure to sell, not only the one piece she had thought of buying, but half a dozen or more.

I was of some slight assistance in the music deal, but the part I had to play related to something else, of which, in the start, I knew little or nothing, but under the rapid instructions of the Professor I soon comprehended sufficiently to elicit his strong approval.

He had along with the music a nice little line of fancy feathers, flowers and other little novelties, which he placed in my charge, and though I had never handled such things before, it is an actual fact that the end of the first day found me talking as glibly about them as any milliner in the land. When the last customer had departed Carter turned to me and observed:

"No use, Jim, you've got it in you, and you'll never be anything else."

"Else than what?" I inquired.

"A fakir. Anyone who can talk up female fixtures and furbelows as you have done, without knowing any more about them than you do, and never make a break, is bound to scratch his mark. From the way you manipulate the dainty things you might have the touch for a slight-of-hand performer and magician, but with that smooth tongue of yours I fancy you have chosen about right."

I suppose I blushed at his praise, but tried to take it as a matter of course, and asked what he would have done if customers had refused to call.

"Oh, called on them, if I thought the town was worth the working. Otherwise, I would have shifted my base and tried something else. A man should always try to have a little money where he can get hold of it in case of need, and keep a dodge or two ahead of his customers, so that if one fails to work he'll have another to bring on."

"But no dodge ought to fail," I put in. "If you have the thing the people want they are bound to buy it; and if they don't want it now, make them want it by the time you get through. That is my idea of the business."

The professor was right in his predictions. The ladies who patronized us the first day sent others on the second, and returned themselves on the third. When we left, it was with the good will of the entire community, and no inconsiderable quantity of their coin.

It was known as Doctor Carter's Peerless Soap-salve. It could be used for either a soap or a salve; the total cost of manufacturing it, without wrappers, was less than five cents a cake. I know that it sold freely at twenty-five.

We had a little preliminary practice before reaching the town which was to be the scene of operations, and I appeared before the crowd confident in my ability, and anxious to test the glibness of my tongue. The doctor had given me the patter he usually employed, and of course I expected to use it as an outline, subject to alteration as occasion permitted or required. He carried a violin, and it did not take long to draw a crowd.

There was, of course, no haste in getting to the sales. I began by telling what the soap-salve was good for. I gave them a little historical lecture on all soap in general, and this soap in particular. Finally, to illustrate how far a small portion would go, I took a large sponge, which had been passed around for examination. As the doctor handed it to me he concealed in it a cake of soap. From another cake I had made a few shavings, and having poured a little water over the sponge the amount of lather I made appear from those shavings was a caution; and the crowd was about in shape to appreciate the story I then told, which was about as follows:

"More than that, gentlemen and ladies--for I see there are a few of the latter in the audience, and I wish there were more--I want to tell you how the lives of four hundred people were, on a memorable occasion, saved by this very identical soap.

"I was on a large steamship, on my way to England. Upon a beautiful morning, when the sun had been shining brightly in the heavens, and dancing in great waves over the white-crested billows, peace and harmony and happiness prevailing among the passengers, a sudden and severe wind storm came up. Black clouds overcast the sky, and the wind blew so strong that the huge vessel was tossed about as though a mere toy.

"Every one on board became excited. Women screamed and fainted. Down in the cabin a group was gathered to pray for safe deliverance from the wrath of the hurricane. We were doomed. In a few moments the vessel ran upon hidden rocks, the boilers exploded, and our ship was on fire.

"There we were, on a burning vessel, stranded upon the rocks, and far, far from shore. Death and a watery grave stared us in the face. Can you imagine our despair?

"No time was to be lost. We must act, and act quickly. The life boats were lowered; but they could not hold all the passengers, so that we had to shift as best we could. I helped the women, and some of the men, into the boats, and then found, to my horror, there was no room for me.

"I picked up my valise, which was filled with this soap, grabbed the gang-plank of the vessel, and jumped into the ocean.

"My valise had no sooner struck the water than the soap began to foam. The bubbles grew, and kept increasing in size until they resembled a mountain of snow. Would you believe it? Every one of those four hundred heart-broken passengers jumped on that huge lump of lather and floated safely to shore.

"Now, my friends, was not that wonderful? So happy were they all when they landed that they chipped in a dollar each, every man ordering a cake sent to his address as soon as I could receive a fresh supply to replace that lost in their salvation.

"But tonight, my friends, I am not going to charge you a dollar a cake. You have not yet been ship-wrecked, though it is as well for you to prepare. Twenty-five cents is all that I shall ask you, and then you will be ready for the direst extremity and the darkest emergency.

"Now, then, who takes the first cake?"

"You do," shouted a voice from the crowd, and the laugh was on me.

Nevertheless, I accepted the turn so readily, and put it aside so neatly, that it was all the better, since I had the crowd with me. Before the evening was over the stock was sold out slick and clean.

THE CONTEMPTIBLE PIANO TUNER--THE BIOGRAPHICAL WRITE-UP FAKE--THE FLATTERED BLACKSMITH.

"There are tricks in all trades but ours," quoted the doctor that night, when he had returned to the hotel.

"And I suppose the reason there are no tricks in our trade is because there is positively no epidermis to hold them. It is trickery and nothing else.

"Nevertheless, there are tricks; and there are other tricks. I have no patience with the others. My principle, as I have already explained, is to always give a man the worth of his money at ordinary, every-day market prices. If an emergency arises when I can't do that I try and see that he receives no damage. The fakir that sells a tooth-wash which will eat the enamel off the first application, and crumble the teeth to the gums by the third, deserves to be hung.

"It is a little strange," he added, reflectively, "how some of the gang can talk the senses out of the average individual, and make him see that black is white. I don't approve of such methods, and it rather gratifies me when I see a fakir of that class come to grief.

"I remember once, when I was selling bibles up in Minnesota, I had the extreme pleasure of seeing one of the meanest, most contemptible little scoundrels of the species arrested and brought to justice. On the chance of making a trifling ten dollars for himself he had done more than that much damage, which he did not know how to properly repair, and possibly ruined a six hundred dollar instrument. And he seemed to have been working the scheme right along until he was accidentally caught up by a young lady--upon whom I happened to call, in the midst of the wreck, for the purpose of introducing my fine line of cottage bibles.

"You understand, I love a fine piano, and have a sneaking regard for an instrument of almost any kind. But this was, or had been, a good one, and the way the fellow temporarily ruined it was this:

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