Use Dark Theme
bell notificationshomepageloginedit profile

Munafa ebook

Munafa ebook

Read Ebook: The mothercraft manual by Read Mary L Mary Lillian

More about this book

Font size:

Background color:

Text color:

Add to tbrJar First Page Next Page Prev Page

Ebook has 3010 lines and 220762 words, and 61 pages

Slowly, but certainly, there is coming a new ideal in education. Children and young people are to be prepared for living. They are to know how to develop physical vitality and mental ability and spiritual power. They are to be prepared in spirit and intelligence, in skill and in science, in personality and technique for the responsibilities that most of them will assume, for the greatest responsibility any of them can assume--home-making and family rearing.

Both the school and the home are responsible for the preparation of these future parents. They must apply to this vocational problem all their knowledge of psychology and pedagogy. Right habits of regularity, responsibility, self-control, must be carefully trained in those babyhood and early childhood stages; the manual phases of household work are to be taught in the manual stage before the teens; boys and girls are to be imbued with a wholesome, responsible spirit toward motherhood and fatherhood and the home which they are taught to look forward to as the goal for themselves; girls in their teens are to have companionship and experience with little children, learning the essential details and the significant guiding principles of their high calling in a practical, human, motherly way, under wise and sympathetic teachers. Girls, and boys likewise, will be encouraged to foresee the significance and values and responsibility of home and family, and to conduct themselves worthily of such a mission.

ESTABLISHING THE HOME

As young men and women face squarely the possibilities in a home, as they perceive the causes of discord in family life, and study the basis of family stability and happiness, as they take the time before marriage to compare sincerely their ideals, tastes, standards, expectations, they will minimize the possibilities of later discord--even tragedy. If they cannot agree sincerely and heartily on economic, social, physiological, and psychological adjustments before the wedding ceremony, when each has the altruism of romance and the spur of the game, how can they expect to adjust themselves amicably afterwards, in the severe test of everyday needs and situations?

Marriage is the concern of the individual, because his happiness and his activity are involved. It is also the concern of the State, because property rights, social harmony, and future citizenship are involved. A brief study of the historical and social development of the home and family relations will give a surer basis for the rational discussion of this problem than would a theoretical discussion based merely on prejudices of individualism or altruism.

For ages mankind has experimented with different forms of family relation and home organization, trying to discover which serve best to foster the child, conserve the State, and satisfy the men and women who form the family. Under different social and economic conditions, polygamy and polyandry , promiscuity and monogamy have been tried.

Polygamy, in primitive society, developed where women were in excess, or their labor increased family income, or where a man's fortune enabled him to support more than one wife and her children. The polygamous nature of man was accepted by Egyptian, Greek, Roman, and Mohammedan religions, and its practice permitted by their statutes. The Jewish nation early evolved from polygamy to monogamy, and incorporated the latter into its religion and customs. Anglo-Saxon ideals were of monogamy. The teachings of Christ emphasized monogamy. The early Christian teachers even carried this, as other ideals, to its farthest extreme, and preached the ideal of celibacy. It remained for Mormonism to sanctify polygamy and make it a duty. But polygamy, which was flatly opposed by the general sentiment of the United States, was short-lived in the territory of the Mormon Church. The local feeling on this issue at present may be summarized in the following sentiment, expressed by a distinguished citizen of Utah:

"Our citizenship must be world citizenship. It is a matter of common knowledge and comment that that citizen is most valuable to his town who can see the town's needs in relation to those of his county; that he is of most value to his county who sees that county as a constituent part of the state and consents to nothing for his county that would hurt the state; that a state's most valuable and serviceable citizen is the man who has the power in his thinking, reasoning, and acting to rise above sectionalism and act as a citizen of the nation. This is the test to which our citizenship must submit--the standard up to which it must measure."

In primitive, as well as in civilized societies, the beginning of a new home is customarily celebrated with civil and religious ceremonies; customs and laws provide for the relative rights of the husband and wife to their persons, their children, their property, and the returns from their labor. Infidelity , common-law marriages , promiscuous relations, divorce, have generally been branded as anti-social and reprehensible, expressions of lack of self-control, altruism, and foresight.

Mankind is finding through the experience of the ages that monogamy best conserves child life, the home, the State, and individual happiness. It has found that irresponsible parenthood, shallowness of marital or parental affection, promiscuous relations, all endanger the life and welfare of the child. It has learned that marriage customs and laws requiring considerable formality and therefore deliberation of the contracting parties, reduced the proportion of hasty, unsatisfactory, and temporary unions with their uncertain responsibility for the children, and their quarrels over property. Many factors have contributed to the establishment of the really monogamous family and home as the social ideal and the increasing social practice. The lengthening period of infancy, with the consequent longer period of mutual co?peration of parents in nurture and training; realization of the Christ spirit of love for others, of respect for the value and individuality of every human life; the consequent refinement of the emotional life and social feeling, and the sublimating of sex instincts to the development of a richer personality, to mental creative work and to social service; the democratization of education and social status; freedom in choice of a marriage partner--all have contributed a part.

Freedom of choice has been far less prevalent than capture, purchase, or family contract, in marriages of the past. It is wearisome to even try to imagine the procession of brides, since those early days of the cavemen, who had no choice in the matter of their husbands. For what countless millions of brides was the marriage arranged by barter between their fathers and their future household lords, sometimes the father requiring a purchase price, sometimes the bridegroom demanding a dowry. What millions of girls have been selected while mere children as the future wives and slaves of their husbands and the family drudges of the household. How many millions of brides and bridegrooms have never been consulted as to their personal feelings or desires, but have been married because the elders of their families decreed it. Under all such conditions, if husband and wife developed affection for each other, that was so much of advantage to them from the combination; otherwise they must adapt themselves as best they could to the daily round of life in their common dwelling and throughout their family responsibilities.

Trial marriages have been an experiment in many societies. They are based upon suspicion and expectation of termination, instead of upon that whole-hearted confidence and expectation of endurance which is the basis of a permanent relation. Psychologically, therefore, their basis is false and weak. They presented a crude method of testing mutual adaptation and affection, which to-day may be gained by visiting a few weeks in each other's families, by thorough preliminary discussion of problems of adjustment, and by consultation with a competent physician, biologist, and sociologist or a mature and thoughtful counsellor.

Thus has marriage evolved by stages from biological matings, based on physical attraction; to the business contract, based on economic relations; to the social contract, based on social advantage to the family, clan, or State; and finally to a spiritual relationship, based on mutual social and intellectual interests and ties. Romantic love as a general experience in marriage has developed only during the past few hundred years. No one of these phases--the biological, economic, social, or spiritual--can be ignored in marriage to-day without disaster, as divorce records and daily observation show so clearly. To ignore the higher relationships and base marriage simply on the biological or material is to revert back to a lower stage in human development. A marriage based simply on physical attraction soon loses its glamour, and is as a house built upon the sands. The enduring ties are those of spiritual comradeship. It is this spiritual-biological love, evolving with the personality and soul of man, that has inspired the great wealth of spiritual creations in poetry, music, drama, and painting.

The American young woman of to-day, especially of the middle classes, is economically, socially, and religiously free to choose from among her suitors the one she finds most congenial and whom she really loves. Legislators are providing in many States for the woman's equal rights in marriage to her person, property, and children. Churches, associations, and parents are awakening to their responsibility in providing natural and wholesome social opportunities for young men and women to become acquainted. If a woman does not find her ideal in the community where she lives, she is socially free to migrate to any part of the country, enter any one of a thousand occupations, and seek until she finds a suitable helpmeet. In this country, in contrast to Europe, there is an excess of some two million men in the population. She will find a large proportion of young men of her social class and education, whose standards and habits of life are as fine as Sir Galahad's, who have the economic ability to make a comfortable living, and who are ready to co?perate intelligently and whole-heartedly in home-making. The young man of to-day will find an increasing proportion of young women who combine physical charm, social gifts, intellectual comradeship, home-making instincts, and preparation.

How the family income should be divided, what share the wife shall have for household use and for her personal use, is so diplomatic and acute a problem that it should be as sincerely and frankly discussed as all these other phases.

Whether the wife should undertake work besides managing the home-making is a moot question. Certainly her first responsibility is to make a home not only comfortable but inspiring. She needs to have such opportunity for relaxation, meditation, reading, personal development, that however weary and tense her husband may return in the evening, she can give rest, good cheer, and refreshment of spirit, because of her reserve of vitality, and can send him each morning to his work with the courage and good spirits stimulated by her blitheness. She needs, also, to be storing reserve strength for her children.

The location of the house greatly affects the family life. Ideally, it should be a separate dwelling, with a porch for outdoor social life, a garden where all members of the family have room to work and play, with rooms enough for individual privacy; and it should be owned, not rented.

The minimum income on which two people may advisably marry will depend largely upon their degree of adaptability, patience, and sense of humor. Acquaintance before marriage may safely be not less than a year and preferably two, not only for thorough and sincere acquaintance, but for the possibility of the reaction and even repulsion that is so likely to follow a violent case of love on short acquaintance. If love is too ardent, it needs this discipline of patience and restraint. If it is deep enough to last through the rest of time, it will stand the test of waiting.

Having established their home, husband and wife may well cultivate their love wisely, seeing that it does not starve from lack of service in little thoughtfulnesses; that it is not surfeited by too much of sweetness or selfish expression; that it is protected by residence separate from relatives, friends, strangers; that both have individual social life and friends and pursuits so that they do not become wearisome to each other; that they busy themselves in some mutual objective interest--social welfare, club, lodge work or a reading course. The few minutes spent together each day in gaining inspiration, either in religious worship, or reading from some great book, or singing noble songs, will do much to keep the family life harmonious and to reduce the petty frictions. It is well to agree on the first day--and carry through the agreement--that if misunderstanding or the least suspicion arises, it shall be frankly and thoroughly faced, discussed, and eliminated, remembering that it is "the little rift within the lute" that silences the music. Then, as the poet sings:

"Through the long years liker must they grow, The man be more of woman, she of man; He gain in sweetness and in moral height, Nor lose the wrestling thews that throw the world, She, mental breadth, nor fail in childward care, Nor lose the childlike in the larger mind; Until at last she set herself to man Like perfect music unto noble words."

FINDING THE MEANS FOR MOTHERCRAFT

"Efficient housekeeping is the beginning of good citizenship."

--PROFESSOR MARTHA VAN RENSSELAER.

Second, all the labor-saving machinery in the world will but slightly reduce the output of time and energy in the household work unless the worker will apply her mind to the problem, adapt herself to new ways of performing a piece of work, and be willing to think.

Third, the individual problem must be studied. Have a regular monthly session to analyze seriously, with pencil and paper, the household situation, and to question every process of work and every expenditure. Can the household r?gime be made simpler yet socially efficient? Where is there waste of energy, time, materials, income? How can the accumulation of dirt and dust be reduced? How can dishwashing and laundry work be reduced? How can time spent in cooking be decreased? How could any work be done in a less tiring position? Where could there be a reduction in the number of steps, trips, arm movements, duplications of work, arranging which requires later disarrangement? Where could pipes, drains, hose lines, faucets, pulleys, speaking tubes, signals, or other simple mechanical devices reduce time and labor? What work could be done by a part-time helper at an hourly or daily rate? What is the difference in cost between food cooked at home or purchased already cooked? What has been the loss from food wasted, spoiled, thrown away, improperly cooked? Could any foods be purchased directly from the producer, with a saving of cost? Are the dealers sending honest measures and correct bills? How could a reduction be made in the cost of fuel or of lighting?

Domestic engineers, housekeeping experiment stations, household efficiency laboratories already exist, but they are so new that the terms are not yet quite familiar. It may prove a great saving of time and energy to consult one of the new domestic engineers, whose business it is to analyze a kitchen or a house or a family budget, plan its rearrangement for economy of time, energy, and money, recommend labor-saving machinery, or organize a system of routine.

Study how to eliminate useless motions. Make exact studies, using a watch and a record pad. Observe how many trips were made in laying the table, and the length of time required. Discover ways of reducing this by half, through use of a tray, more convenient arrangement of supplies, fewer dishes, simpler service. Make similar studies with other processes, such as cleaning a room, or preparing a meal.

In an ordinary household, preparation of breakfast for a family of five persons should not require more than half an hour; lunch from twenty minutes to an hour; dinner from half an hour to two hours. The daily care of a bedroom should be completed in ten to twenty minutes. Washing of dishes, clearing of dining room and kitchen, should be finished in from twenty to sixty minutes after a meal. The weekly washing for such a family should be completed in four to six hours, and likewise the ironing. Five hours a week is enough to spend in baking, and only two should be necessary if bread is not made.

Make out the menus for a whole week, revising daily as necessary. This will assure better-balanced menus, more variety, economy of time and money in marketing, and will prevent the worry of unpreparedness. In marketing, purchase a two or four months' supply of such staples as can be bought and stored advantageously. Have a regular day weekly to inspect supplies and order staples. Have two or three regular days a week for purchasing fresh vegetables, fruits, meats.

The general architectural plan of a house, finish of walls and floors, construction of windows, doors, wainscoting, corners, mopboards, can make hours of difference in the week's labor. Even when the general architecture cannot be altered, the floors may be improved. Carpeted or waxed floors are the most difficult to care for, while those painted or oiled are easiest. Useless bric-a-brac, carved and ornate furniture, all are dust and germ holders, and consume an extravagant amount of time for their care. For every unnecessary and useless piece of furniture, drapery, or utensil, the housekeeper must pay a tax of time and strength in handling. The Japanese have learned the beauty of simplicity in house furnishing.

Rearrange the plan of the kitchen until supplies, utensils, stove, water, sink are so placed that there are fewest steps and motions, and it is as convenient as an apartment house kitchenette. Tables, sinks, and ironing boards adjusted to the height of the worker will economize energy. A low stool to stand upon will reduce the height of work tables; a detached wooden frame or block on top of a low kitchen table or sink will often give the desired height without stooping. A cushioned stool or chair to sit upon while doing stationary work, or a soft rug under feet while standing, all add to comfort.

Electricity is the housekeeper's man-of-all-work. It can heat, light, cook, supply the energy for the vacuum cleaner, washing machine, wringer, dishwasher. In some communities it is now furnished at a sufficiently low rate for such general use, and other communities can have the same low rates whenever the housekeepers organize and demand it.

Simple cooking is more digestible, nourishing, economical of labor, and, to a natural appetite, more appetizing. The most valuable part of potatoes and apples is next the skin, the removal of which before cooking is wasteful of time and materials. A coal stove is an enormous consumer of time and energy. An alcohol stove furnishes the cleanest method of cooking, quite practicable, with a fireless cooker and steam cooker, for a small family. Next in convenience, and more economical, are the gas or oil vapor stoves. A good fireless cooker vastly reduces the time required in the kitchen, and cuts the fuel bill in half.

In serving meals, labor is saved by using a tray, or better still a wheeled tray with several shelves, which may be drawn up to the table to hold the additional courses and the soiled dishes as removed. A special tray that will fit the cupboard shelf, to hold the constant accessories, will save handling.

Dishwashing is an ever-recurring, three-times-a-day problem. There are several fairly good dishwashing machines now on the market, both electric and hand-power. If dishes must be washed in the old-fashioned way, engineering efficiency can be put into it. After washing, scald the china in a wire basket such as business offices use for holding letters, and leave to dry without wiping, then place directly on trays to take to the table instead of placing on shelves only to take down again. In times of stress or of picnic spirit, papier-m?ch? or wooden dishes will save time.

For cleaning have a vacuum cleaner, carpet sweeper, hair floor brush, dustless mop, dustless dusters or cheesecloth dampened with kerosene, wax oil or furniture polish. It takes an hour or two after sweeping for dust to settle; this interval should be allowed before dusting furniture.

If good laundries, guiltless of injurious chemicals and extravagant rates, are not available in the locality, a co?perative laundry providing these features may be organized and conducted by the women of the community, as in many places in Wisconsin. If laundry work must be done at home, an equipment of a good washing machine or even a hand vacuum washer, a wringer, stationary tubs, hose lines, running hot and cold water, with sewer connection for waste, greatly reduce the time and energy cost. A cold mangle or one heated by gas or charcoal costs but a few dollars and reduces by about seventy-five per cent. the labor of ironing flat work. Gas or electric irons are inexpensive and energy saving. Necessary laundry work may be greatly minimized by providing silk or cotton crepon for underwear and dresses, seersucker for children's rompers, dresses, and aprons, with doilies or paper napkins in place of tablecloth, at least for breakfast and lunch, and paper towels for kitchen and bathroom.

The physical and mental condition of the worker is a very considerable factor in time and energy cost. Work attempted when one is fatigued, nervous, or tense consumes vastly more energy and time. Learn to relax at intervals; especially lie down for a few minutes about midday. "Never stand when you can sit; never sit when you can lie down." If becoming nervous or tense, relax completely, and take long, slow, deep breaths of fresh air. Stand with the weight on the balls of the feet, head erect and chest expanded. Keep the house air in winter at efficiency point: between 65? F. and 68? F. in temperature, and sufficiently humid by well-filled water pans in furnace pipe or by large open dishes of water in room, and with a constant intake of fresh outside air.

Personal ordering and selection of supplies, paying cash and keeping accounts, will furnish the greatest values for expenditures. Accurate scales and measures in the kitchen, with occasional tests of supplies sent, will check errors or dishonesty of marketmen. Cost of supplies may be reduced by keeping posted on market prices; buying in wholesale quantities where possible, in co?peration with other housekeepers; buying directly from the producer wherever possible; knowing the reliable grades and brands of package goods. A knowledge of the values of common foods and their comparative cost for equivalent food value is indispensable for efficiency. A reasonable allowance is two dollars to two dollars and a half a week for food supplies for each person. An ample quantity of nourishing food of limited variety can be purchased for one dollar a week. Luxuries should be had on a four dollar weekly allowance per person

The following table can be expanded by any housekeeper. For other food stuffs: Note calories per pound. To find the number of calories for one cent, divide calories per pound by cost per pound. Fruits and green vegetables, although furnishing few calories for one cent, are needed each day, for their vitamines, acids, and minerals.

Comparative Caloric Food Values and Cost

Let the children from toddling time help in the household duties and chores. It will be for their guardians a good training in patience, adaptability, and sympathy. What if their work is crude, with many mistakes and mishaps? They are learning motor co?rdinations, manual dexterity, a knowledge of homely routine, the meaning of labor and service, the joy of workmanship and creation, the satisfaction of self-reliance, the happiness of intimate comradeship with mother and father. Their character development is the great consideration, not the materials they are handling or the petty work they are accomplishing.

FOUNDING A FAMILY

"The business of life is the transmission of the sacred torch of heredity undimmed to future generations. This is the most precious of all worths and values in the world."

--G. STANLEY HALL.

"The young people of the next and all succeeding generations must be taught the supreme sanctity of parenthood--that the highest profession and privilege they can aspire to is responsible fatherhood and motherhood."

--C. W. SALEEBY.

So to live that their children shall be strong and happy is a motive that a child can appreciate, and it can become the most powerful incentive for hygienic living, for industry, education, for social purity that is positive--noble in thought as well as restrictive in action. Trained thus through childhood, boys and girls will be prepared to meet with high-mindedness and moral stamina the storm and stress of adolescence; their ideals of sweetheart and lover will have a wholesome eugenic prejudice, and they will be prepared to discuss with dignity, scientific spirit, and reverence this significant phase of their future home life.

There is no essential contradiction between romantic love and eugenics. Indeed, sincere, deep and enduring love of parents for each other and for their children is an essential in a eugenic ideal. A young woman knows a hundred young men, but is in love with only one because the others do not embody the ideal that she has fashioned. Every young man and woman has such an ideal, perhaps only vaguely defined but certainly felt, with which they are in love, for which they search, and with which they sometimes invest an acquaintance only to discover later their illusion. This ideal is composed of the most alluring qualities and personalities they have known.

What young man would be likely to fall in love with a girl, however pretty, even charming, whom he knew could be the mother only of sickly, peevish, stupid children to inherit his name and perpetuate his family, or who would refuse to assume the burden of motherhood? What normal young woman would be attracted by any "fairy prince", however romantic, wealthy, handsome, if she were aware that his children, should he have any, would be doomed to early death, weakness, or imbecility, and that she herself would be made a sufferer for life? The widespread tendency of young men and women of to-day to include beauty, vitality, and ability in their romantic ideal is itself sufficient evidence. Young men and women are generally too well balanced to marry simply from eugenic consideration without romantic love, although this is less reprehensible than marriage simply for title or livelihood, for social distinction, or personal creature comfort without consideration for either eugenics or romantic love. The prayer of Hector, as he lifted his little child in his arms in the tower of Troy, while the battle raged without the walls, is the prayer of the parent heart everywhere, that the child shall be nobler and greater than the father.

The normal biological life for every man and woman is parenthood. The normal social relation between parents is mutual, abiding love. Only through the development of such a love has humanity evolved from the materialistic, individualistic stage of the animal to even the present stage of spiritual life and social relationships.

Add to tbrJar First Page Next Page Prev Page

Back to top Use Dark Theme